Category: the Rant Board
i'm not sure if this should be in the parenting, let's talk, or rant board. since I'm doing more of the latter, I'm posting my postulations here. In a nutshell, I want to ascertain, what are your opinions about chores at home. Here is why.
Saturday several gal pals and I went out to celebrate one of them named Martha's birthday. She arrived at the restaurant with her arm in a brace and sling. We all wanted to know why. It appears she pulled her biseps or triceps i'm not sure which off her shoulder. She is keeping it immobilized until it heals. she may have limited use of it for the rest of her life.
I asked her how it happened and she said "shoveling snow of course." I said "what was wrong with your husband?" She said, you remember, Roger broke his ankle after the first blizzard we had in december. Seems that she asked him to clear out the driveway. He got pissed. After he finished, he went on a run to get rid of his mad on. Then, he fell broke his ankle and had to get three pins installed. Excuse me, but what kind of a perfectly healthy man throws a fit because his wife who is as big as a new york minute wants him to move snow measuring over three feet from the driveway.
After our two big snows in february, she hurt her arm. They have a healthy 17 year old daughter, and a mentally challenged but physically fine 16 year old son. I said "what were rachel and david doing that they couldn't help during all these snows?" She said "i wouldn't dream of asking my kids to help. That's slave labor." I had to take a deep breath and chew that chicken 32 times so I wouldn't explode. I calmly asked her if she fed, watered, clothed, and drove those childdren around. she said yes, but it isn't fair to ask them to contribute. and we wonder why kids today have that priveleged attitude.
I told her my daughter offered to do it, and since it was above and beyond, I paid her. she said that's bribery. How is that so? She paid some one else's kids to do it but she can't give remuneration to her own? I'm bemused and confused.
also, I'm damn mad. We give kids the responsibility for driving at age 16. They are captains of vehicles consisting of tons of metal, rubber, dangerous and flammable chemicals. These are the princesses and princes who aren't responsible enough to shovel snow, pack their lunches, or do laundry. And we wonder why the teen accident rate is so high.
In that respect, I totally agree with you. I mean, like everything else, there is a limit. Most kids do go to school and do homework, but I don't see anything wrong with kids helping out around the house. One day, they will have to do it all themselves. If they can't handle washing a few dishes, vacuuming every once in awhile, and shoveling snow on accasion, they are going to have serious problems when they move away. One of the amazing things my mom did for me was to make me do chores. I was emptying the dishwasher and washing dishes by the time I was ten, cooking by the time I was seven, and more recently, cleaning the kitchen after dinner, washing all my clothes and bedding, vacuuming, and paying my own bills on top of that. Because of this, I feel confident about moving out. Am I nervous? Of course. Who wouldn't be? But in the chore department, I think I've pretty much got it covered, all thanks to my mom.
There are parents who have their kids do all the chores while they just sit around all day collecting welfare and playing on the computer, but these cases are rare, and extreme.
I always did things around the house and I am better off for it.
praise and purpose are two things that give us self esteem. when i was in middle school during the week, i cooked dinner every day. My mom cleaned up. My dad did the laundry. That;'s what we did. At the age of ten after the birthday party, my kids got the how to do the laundry lesson. Both of them did chores. it's what families do. this priveleged royalty thing I don't get it at all.
Having two physically healthy children and not asking them for help is plain stupid, not to mention that it'll turn them into lazy adults with no sense of responsibility. Same with allowing her husband to be lazy. If he's not willing to go 50-50 in the relationship, she's stupid for staying with him. It's not like she asked him to run a marathon. Joanie hurt her neck and had to go for surgery a few years ago and Mom's got a bad back but they still shoveled some of the snow together, along with Grandma, who's 79, before hiring help. Since when is it bribery to pay your children for a job well done? where does this woman get her ideas? Granted, I never really did chores growing up, but it was largely because Mom felt that I couldn't do alot of them when I was younger. But if she was doing laundry, raking leaves etc. I'd help her. Of course, as I grew older, I learned to do other things and now I'm in my own apartment where I do my own dishes, cook, clean and put away the laundry and so on.
Another mistake we parents make is just doing the chore ourselves because we didn't think to ask the kid to do it, or because we can do it more quickly / efficiently. My daughter is good at doing things when asked, but I thought about your snow issue.
I think it wouldn't have crossed my mind to ask her; I don't buy the nonsense your friend was spouting. When I worked in the food program my daughter would work for me sometimes, and for that I felt it was important she get an actual check, have something tangible to work with / save or whatever.
But lots of us, especially if we grew up in a house where the rule was "You find it, you fix it," make the mistake of not setting out stuff for the kids to do.
But like one of you on here, my daughter did help out in the kitchen. Though ironically she would have told you she didn't have the chore, because she thought cooking was fun.
I have heard people say you ought not use work as a punishment, because work and its accomplishments are to be commended. But I've a healthy work ethic, and more than occasionally had to work some of the childhood angst off on a rock or wood pile. I don't think I thought anything of it more than "working it off" or "Getting it out of the system".
But Turricane what you say about esteem based on accomplishments is probably right: that's how I get mine. And your statements about motor vehicles are without exception right on. I had a talk with my daughter when she was about to turn fifteen, explaining what car insurance is, explaining about keeping the tank full, all that.
I think we parents just have to look sharp, for opportunities to make sure they're involved. My wife's been better than me about that, probably because I get one-tracked about the thing that needs doing and as I said, if not careful I don't even think to ask. There's probably lots like me out there.
Well, not thinking to ask is far different than spouting bullshit. I've never had to do work as a punishment and think the idea is strange. But I did cook with Mom when I was younger. I too never thought of it as anything but fun but this is also because that's how it was shown to me. that is, I was always the one asking if I could help and Mom agreed. Eventually, she caught onto just how much I loved it and started asking me on her own and I'd always jump at the chance.
Working as a punishment? Never did that but as I have stated...I always did stuff. I was not forced into it. I never heard, "do this or else." I just did it and was glad to be a part of things. It made me feel wanted.
Just make sure that as a parent, you know that your child's work is appreciated, and make sure to let them know how much it helps. I know I always feel more willing to help out if I know it will be appreciated.
Doing chores together as a family can be fun sometimes, provided your family gets along well. I always found my chores more fun when I had someone to laugh and chat with while I was working.
OceanDream, I agree completely, and say please and thank you to my daughter. I know a lot of parents don't, they talk about parental rights.
Um? It's parental *duty* and *responsibility* ... so yes I agree with you.
The phrase I can't abide at all is ... "I'm bored".
To me that means you need someone to find you something to do ... that and tattling are two big ones that make a usually nice guy get mean.
robo when my kids were little they tried the "i'm bored" routine on me once. After they heard "since you have trouble using your imagination, and idle hands are used in the devils playground, you can scrub the trash cans." That's an icky job that no one wants to do. My kids never got bored after that.My mom always yelled if we were bored "get a grip, stop whining, and read a book!!!" I tried that too and it worked. both my kids enjoy reading now.
I remember doing the "I'm bored" routeen and let's just say I've learned to find things to do. I would get a lecture, which bored me more, and I discovered the joy of reading.
Funny how things change.
this is all very strange to me. I always had an imagination and was seldom boared, but when I was and told Mom, she'd offer some suggestions as to some fun things I could do. she never made me work simply because I couldn't think of something to do, but sometimes, if she needed help, she'd request it and I'd gladly give it.
I usually find something to do when I'm bored, and if not, well, then, that's where the self reflection part comes in for the day. I've always really valued that, and the times I'm bored is usually when I find the time.
If you're bored, then you must be so good at time management that you have everything done that could possibly need to be done, and if that is the case, well, enjoy the leisure time. that's my take on it.
I am very rarely bored.
And making a child work as a punishment has a negative long term effect. If children view chores as a punishment, they will grow up to be messy and dirty people. They will consider housekeeping a bad thing because they were punished with it.
essence, i agree with you that if house keeping is used as a punishment, then it will not be enjoyed. usually, in our family, working together has and is fun and enjoyable. i just can't stand whining and people saying they are bored. giving them options, e.g. read a book or clean the toilet, caused them to read, which is what i wanted them to do in the first place.
Very good idea.
Oh, I don't get bored nowadays...I've learned my lesson!
Hahaha. What kid hasn't?
lol.
My stepdad actually did something that most parents don't do. My sister and I didn't get an allowance, but we got $20 a week if we got all our chores done on time, and that included cleaning our own room. Deductions would depend on how much of the chore we failed to do. He was trying to show us that good work pays off. Of course, now I know that there are plenty of other ways it can pay off besides monitarily, but I wasn't really thinking much about that when I was ten years old, so it was kind of a motivation thing until I was old enough to realize that some things just have to get done, whether we like it or not.
ocean dream,
your step dad was right on target. most 10 year olds need tangible rewards not emotional awards. good job to him.
indeed
Totally agreed! Nice job!
ditto to the last few posts; great job on your dad's part!!
I'll say.
I'm definitely very greatful for it now. The thing I liked the most is that every week, he would come up to me, and explain exactly why I was, or was not, getting the reward I was getting. That helped just as much as the actual reward, I think.
Ah, yes, the reinforcement.
I was very curious. I was always interested in the "why" part.
as you should be; every child should have parents who do that. notice I said should; I sure wish I had. life goes on, and thankfully I've learned from it...just had to say that for whatever it's worth.
Yes, wish I had it as well but that's learning for ya!